Lest any blink twice, this was a joke "interview" that I wrote back in 2006 for AFD. However, some of the "answers" are but mere extrapolations of actual interviews that Goodkind gave during this time period, so perhaps there's a bit of "truthiness" to this? Saving this solely because this was one of the more popular posts at wotmania's OF section for a long while. For those who haven't read it before, enjoy?We are pleased that you have granted us this interview Mr. Goodkind. We’re just going to ask you a few questions and you may answer them as you like. Let’s start with your childhood, as many writers have claimed their childhood influenced their decision to become a writer. What can you tell us about your childhood?
I grew up in the wilderness along the Missouri River. From a young age, I was very fascinated by the nobleness of wolves. I learned a lot from them, like how all creatures have this noble spirit about them. That’s what I wanted to focus my life on, on the achievement of the noble spirit in Man. Another thing that fascinated me growing up along the Missouri River was mud. Especially dried mud. I learned from the local Sioux how to use dried mud in making excellent roof repair and if you re-read Wizard’s First Rule, you’ll see how this has influenced my writing.
What about school? Any fond memories of school?This is AFD, of course
No. I had to go to Catholic school and because I’m dyslexic, the nuns used to spank me every day that I would say the Creed and go “true dog from true dog.” I was miserable, until one day I met a woodmaker. He taught me how to work with wood and to trust to my own self, not to follow what others wanted. Richard was his name, but he always went by Dick. Dick introduced me to Ayn Rand.
So you did poorly in school, yet still was motivated to become a writer?
Yes. I learned from Dick and Ayn that I had to think for myself and the System just couldn’t except that. As much as I love the wilderness and the noble spirits there, I saw this rot, this festering sore that was the result of socialistic, crypto-Communist pandering that is endemic in our society. From the news to the government, our nation is losing what has made us #1 for so long.
What about Canada? I seem to recall you saying something elsewhere about Canada.
The Canadians are an interesting case. Although they make good beer (however, I like to buy American and support Old Milwaukee Light and Keystone), there is just so much wrong in that country. The recent Canadian elections in which a fear-mongering group managed to gain control of that place - that is what I foresaw in The Soul of the Fire.
Speaking of The Soul of the Fire, what was the point of the chicken?
The chicken was a representation of Evil that has come about due to our overdependence upon a bankrupt relativistic world-view. Look at the world around us: People blaming each other for everything, coffee-spilling klutzs making millions off of McDonald’s, leeches sucking our hard-earned money into the cesspool of socialistic health care plans - people need to rise up and live their own lives instead of being the pawn of people that want to convince you that everything is okay, that as long as we do what we are told, everything will be fine. And chickens are cool, you know. I used to have a pet chicken and would bring him to some cock fights. So in memory of my chicken Ayn, I wrote a chicken into the Soul of the Fire
So your fantasy series is designed to counteract this?
First off, I do not write fantasy series. I am writing about the noble spirit of the soul in an idealized form. So please do not call what I write ‘fantasy.’ Secondly, the truth is there. We all should have a little bit of Richard in us, wielding our own Sword of Truth to make the world into a better place, one in which Truth is held higher than the “truths” that the relativists would want you to think existed. Reality is objective. It is there. We can glean its rules. My writings express this. But they are not fantasy. I do not read fantasy, instead re-reading Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead before I begin to think of more Wizard’s Rules to write about. That inspires me to write books that are meaningul and inspiring, not mere escapist fluff. You can’t escape reality and my books reflect this.
What about accusations that you’ve not only read fantasy, but that you’ve plagiarized from Robert Jordan?
Robert who? *sniff* I do not know of whom you speak. Does he write fantasy? If so, then I wouldn’t know what you’re talking about. Next question.
Umm....What inspired you to write the character of Betsy in The Pillars of Creation?
When I was visiting some friends in Washington, they took me to this farm to where I could see and be with all sorts of animals. I found the goats to be fascinating creatures, so adorable and cute, that I thought I would just include one in the series to express the nobility of goats in addition to the nobility of the human soul. I’m rather pleased with Betsy’s character development in that novel - I believe she is one of my finest creations.
Have you had a chance to read the articles on politics that Jeff VanderMeer and R. Scott Bakker wrote? They have caused some waves recently.Again, AFD!
Yes, I was given a link by someone who wanted to know my opinion. From what I gather, there was an evil monkey who argued that one was missing the point because the other wanted the first to round the turn like a horse but that horse was beaten to death by all the points and counterpoints that were so muddled that it made full sense to the authors to argue at length for their perception while trying hard to convince the other that he wasn’t really “wrong,” but instead just not completely right. Typical left-wing postmodernist crap, you know. Politics really is clear: You are an individual. Stand up and live your life. Politicians are a necessary evil and are there to do your will. Although I do not write fantasy, politics is a full and necessary part of my writings, as it is an expression of a need for us to rise up and fight our politicians, poke them in the ribs when they slip back into their evil Jagang-like ways, and to constantly remind them that since people are stupid and that these politicians are the expression of the people, that they are expressly stupid. It’s really that simple. Objective, really. So why waste thousands of words on a bankrupt relativistic claptrap when the clarity of Objectivism points the way to Truth, not to the counterfeit “truths” that those liberals would have you believe.
I suppose...well, one last question. This is a traditional closing question here at wotmania and we ask all of our authors this question to see how they would respond to this, so answer this in any way you feel inclined to do: If you were to own several monkeys and/or midgets, how many would you own, and what would you name them?
What a stupid question! Midgets and monkeys are noble creatures as well! I could not own them, unless they were so degraded in spirit that they wanted a master. But if they wanted names of their own, the monkeys would be named Ayn, Rand, Richard, Seymour, and Bubbles. I like bubbles.