The wotmania Files: My 2007 April Fool's Post

I'll be also posting occasional posts, like this, that I think readers here would enjoy reading. These posts won't be on a set schedule, but hey, sometimes people need a laugh or something, right. Here's what I wrote for AFD in 2007:

Hugo Awards in Jeopardy Due to Low Voter Turnout

Due to the plummeting voter turnouts at recent WorldCons, there has been some speculation in the past week that this might end up being the final year for the Hugo Awards in their current format. With a reported nominator list of only just over 300 people out of the reported 5,000 who were registered for either the last WorldCon in L.A. or the upcoming one in Japan, many questions have been raised as to whether or not the Hugos were a viable symbol of international fandom as they may have once been.

When reached for comment, William Lexner reiterated that the WorldCon committees ought to have been more flexible about issues involving increasing at-the-gate participation and computerized voting. In response, Kevin Standlee, an apparent SMoF (Secret Master of Fandom) and past WorldCon (San Jose) committee member, rattled off about thirty different parliamentary procedural reasons why the present system had to be followed, despite recent anemic voting and active membership participation. (Edit: When I wrote this in 2007, I just used Kevin's name as someone I knew who worked with the WorldCons. He's actually quite involved in exploring ways of making the Hugos better, and in case any viewed my joke comment in the wrong way, my apologies. Same goes for others below.)

David Langford, of The Ansible, who has won Hugos for a record 20+ years running, reportedly said in his "Infinitely Improbable" section that he was quite relieved to hear of the possible demise of the Hugos, as that would save him the expense of flying from Great Britain every year to accept a trophy that looked like one of the most ridiculous phallic symbols to ever grace an award trophy.

And finally, the international George R.R. Martin fan club/social gathering, the Brotherhood without Banners (or BwB), was seen on their Westeros forum torn between being excited over the Hugos’ apparent demise, downtrodden that Martin’s upcoming A Dance with Dragons might not get the chance to finally win that long-coveted (for reasons quite nebulous to some) phallic Rocket Ship, or just gathering in some random city anyways and getting shitfaced and partying until they dropped.

More on this as I hear more.
April Fool’s of course, as no doubt the next entry will reveal *chuckle*

Terry Goodkind Reportedly Candidate for Nobel Prize for Literature

It is being reported on one of Goodkind’s “official sites” (leading one to question if there are any “unofficial” Goodkind sites) that Terry Goodkind is being rumored as being one of the apparent finalists for the prestigious Nobel Prize for Literature.

Webmaster mystar has been noting that worldwide response to Goodkind’s 10th volume of his Sword of Truth series, Phantom, has pushed worldwide sales of Goodkind’s books to the amazing 100 million book sold mark. “It is a testimony to the manor in which Terry rights about the nobility of the human spirit (and of goats, of course!!!) that even those dam socialist Sweeds have to aknowlege what Terry has manged to acomplish with his works of art. As Terry has said all long, SoT is not a fantasy but insted a triumph of the nobility of the human spirit.”

Word of this was followed by lots of jubilant celebration over at the Goodkind is Our God website, where they were so overcome with joy that some even remembered how to spell Terry’s name correctly.

George R.R. Martin Announces Completion of A Dance with Dragons

After almost two hard years of labor, George R. R. Martin announces that he has finally completed the long-awaited fifth volume in his formerly-projected quadrilogy, A Dance with Dragons. “After working for seven years on how to best tell Tyrion’s story since the slaying of his father on the privy, I finally have figured out that the best way to complete ADwD is to write about the other characters that were left out of the last book, such as Jon and Dany, and instead devote my newly-retitled sixth book, One Day in the Life of Tyrion Lannister, to telling of Tyrion’s epic flight from King’s Landing to Braavos, with scads of scantily-clad courtesans and would-be assassins lurking along the way. I figure this would allow me to develop a spin-off series devoted to Tyrion (similar to my Dunk and Egg novellas) and garner me enough money to pay for more needed room renovations. Besides, who doesn’t want to read about a disfigured dwarf’s sexual adventures told against a backdrop of incest, murder, and betrayal?”

When word of this appeared on Westeros, initial responses were those of stunned silence, followed by riotous laughter. Forum mods Xray the Enforcer and Werthead were torn between laughing this off as an April Fool’s Day prank or downing as many shots of gin or any other liquor within reach in preparation for all of the bitching and moaning that would be certain to follow this. Or perhaps both, as who understands mods anyways?

Pat’s Hotlist reportedly on Harriet Klausner’s Hit List

Although most of us have been rather open about our disdain for Klausner’s infamously vacuous “reviews” on Amazon and her reported ability to read and to summarize from the blurbs of 4,000 books a year, it seems that Pat’s Fantasy Hotlist, with its rather meteoric rise to prominence since January 2005, has led to poor Pat becoming Enemy #1 on Harriet’s Hit List.

She was recently heard complaining to DAW books about how Pat was the first to receive an Advance Review Copy (ARC) of Patrick Rothfuss’ just-released The Name of the Wind while she couldn’t get her copy until the day before the March 27th US release date. In a bitter aside to yet another bland, non-informative “review” on Amazon (of the latest Danielle Steele novel, I believe), she said something to the effect that Pat would be but the first of many to experience the “Wrath of Harriet.” She then proceeds to demonstrate her new-found vindictive side by giving Robert Newcomb’s latest novel 4 stars rather than her customary 5 star rating. Pat, on the other hand, was too busy offering contests to see who could win books from Steven Erikson, R. Scott Bakker, and William Shatner, while hinting at the possibility of snagging an interview with the legendary Danny Bonaduce and his upcoming fantasy debut novel, How I Shagged Beyonce.