Failures in professionalism

Been thinking about professionalism of all sorts lately.  Reflecting back on those times where I would fail to give it my best, to work through the tiredness, the seasonal depression, the illnesses that I've had with my liver over the past year and a half.  Thinking especially about how much I've dreaded the thought of going back into any sort of classroom, attempting to educate those who not only don't want to be educated, but who seek to insult any and all teachers whenever the chance presents itself.  It's horrible, being so happy and relieved when I was laid off six months ago coming up tomorrow and how much I'm dreading being a long-term sub starting in a week.  It's just unlike me, as I used to lose sleep whenever I'd start something new, not out of dread, but because I was so eager to start and to do the best job possible.

In other fields, procrastination is horrible.  I still have a few books I really need to have reviews for that might take a month longer than I had semi-promised the authors.  I hate being late and I know the feeling of waiting for those few that I promise to do a solicited review for (mind you, this does not mean that I sugarcoat my opinions, as some have found out to their chagrin, although I don't try to be rude in noting what I felt were weaknesses in their stories).  Yet I take on too much.  Surely that too could be seen as a lack of professionalism, at least in the sense that I make assurances that I know would be difficult to achieve on time?

And yet despite these personal failings, I also find myself thinking that it is poor form to see others slacking with what they do.  Oh, I'm sure there are some wondering if I'm thinking about them directly and the answer, as always, is that I'm thinking in groups as a whole and not individuals.  But there have been too many examples of people, both online and not, who cut corners, not trying to do a task to their fullest.  In review blogging, it seems as though several have fallen into ruts, making excuses for why they don't do more than just the new and shiny or even to attempt to do much more than provide what can be found in a two-paragraph Amazon reader review.  Sure, sure, blogging is a "hobby," something done for a "love of reading."  To a degree, I can understand that, since most doing it will never see a dime for what they do.

However, part of me just wants to call "bullshit" to all this.  If one is doing blogging just for one's self, then one probably wouldn't spend the effort needed to build an audience.  And as much as it chagrins me to admit it, with audiences come expectations.  Some seem to expect me to write scads of in-depth, reflective reviews and occasional "controversial" columns.  That's fine.  It's an unspoken "promise" of sort that I'll try my best not to fall into ruts and to provide eclectic reviews and commentaries on a wide variety of topics and books.  As long as I'm trying to run this blog, I have an unstated "duty" to fulfill my own expectations and those of others.  To do otherwise is, it seems at times to me, to fail to be professional in meeting and exceeding expectations, personal and audience alike.

And now to think about a bit of rest, before I venture back into the breach, trying to fulfill those semi-promises that I'm late in fulfilling.